Resilience: How I Found Destiny
Introducing Destiny Kingcannon: Destiny Kingcannon has navigated profound challenges, including a heartbreaking divorce that led her to question her identity and self-worth as a preacher's daughter. Despite periods of numbness and self-doubt, she embarked on a transformative journey of self-discovery and resilience.
Through this process, Destiny found her true purpose and now empowers others as a Life and Confidence Coach, guiding them to unlock their potential and embrace their authentic selves. Her story is a testament to overcoming adversity and finding strength in faith and personal growth.
Destiny Kingcannon welcome to the Becoming Article!
We are so excited to have you join us on today! Lets get started....
CAN YOU RECALL A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE THAT WAS DEEPLY HEARTBREAKING, A MOMENT THAT SHATTERED THE VERY CORE OF WHO YOU WERE, ERASING THE PERSON YOU ONCE KNEW YOURSELF TO BE?
A moment in my life that was deeply heartbreaking I can recall was going through the process of divorce at the age of 26. It definitely shattered the fabric of my very existence as I now began to wrestle with not only my identity, but also my self-worth. Being a preacher's daughter and held to a platform of perfection made the moment all the more devastating for me because there was an unspoken expectation to perform and pretend despite the pain I was experiencing and trying to navigate. The erasing of the person I once knew cannot fully be attributed to something negative. This afforded me the opportunity to realize I never actually knew who I was from the beginning. See, my identity and the girl I knew had been made up of the titles, roles, and responsibilities which were placed upon me and that I even willingly took on. The problem with that is, once I was stripped of all of those things, I had to sit with myself and discover the real Destiny at her core! Who was she? What did she want out of life truly? What was her purpose on this Earth outside of a platform? The process of this discovering was yet painful because dismantling and finding deliverance in the next decisions I had to make and live with took time and did not happen overnight. Nevertheless, I'm grateful because the experience is what birthed my destiny.
WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT THIS MOMENT HAD GROWN WITH YOU, EXERTING A SILENT YET POWERFUL CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE, HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE WITHIN ITS GRIP?
The moment I kept waking up going through the motions of life and realizing how I was growing numb. I couldn't correctly function on my job. I thought I was fine, but all of my work suffered. I was jeopardizing my promotion that I was up for because my errors went from none to an influx of mistakes. I started spiraling into depression and finding reasons to stay away and busy as a way to self-medicate the wounds through my work. I would find myself stuck most days walking in circles trying to make sense of my life. I felt like I was dying a slow, painful death day by day, not knowing how I got there. I realized I was living like a beautiful zombie while yet still serving ministry, being a wife, the perfect daughter, and everyone's go-to girl. A face full of perfectly applied makeup, but not enough to make up my broken heart.
I would tell myself, "This can't be God's plan for my life!" It changed my perspective and relationship with God in such a way that I began to feel as if God had forgotten me and that the years invested in remaining faithful to church and being what we deemed as "the good girl" had all been a waste of time if the end result was what I considered failure.
It changed my perspective and relationship with God in such a way that I began to feel as if God had forgotten me and that the years invested in remaining faithful to church and being the what we deemed as "the good girl", had all been a waste of time, if the end result was what I considered failure.
HOW DID THIS TRAUMA BUILD IN YOUR LIFE, AFFECTING YOUR DECISION-MAKING, APPETITE, RELATIONSHIPS, PERSPECTIVE, AND CONFIDENCE? WHAT DID IT HINDER, AND HOW DID YOU COPE WITH ITS OVERWHELMING PRESENCE? REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.
The experiences tore down my self-esteem, which as a result caused me to engage in behaviors that were not consistent with my core values nor my true identity of who God really created me to be. I made decisions based on how I now saw my own self-worth and settled for unhealthy friendships and relationships that did not feed my soul nor help me proceed in the direction of destiny. It changed my perspective and relationship with God in such a way that I began to feel as if God had forgotten me and that the years invested in remaining faithful to church and being what we deemed as "the good girl" had all been a waste of time if the end result was what I considered failure. This perpetuated the desire to live inconsistently with my upbringing, ultimately affecting my ability to trust myself, which by definition is self-confidence! I coped with the overwhelming presence by means of avoidance through my feeble attempts to self-medicate with excessive alcohol and self-mutilation through tattoos as a way to numb or rather transmute the emotional pain.
WHAT WAS THE TURNING POINT FOR YOU, THE MOMENT WHEN YOU DECIDED TO LIVE AGAIN? WHEN DID YOU MUSTER THE COURAGE TO SAY, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH," AND TAKE THE FIRST STEP TOWARD MOVING FORWARD? YOU ARE INCREDIBLY BRAVE.
It was the author J.K. Rowling who said, "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." My turning point was the realization I had reached my version of rock bottom, and I had nothing left. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I realized "I can't stay like this! I can't do this anymore!" I could no longer pretend I wasn't lost and hurting. The scripture talks about when you are chosen, his seed remains in you. So there was a seed deep down on the inside of me that was planted as a little girl raised in the church that would remind me of where I came from whenever I would attempt to go too far. I can only describe it as a "knowing" that there was more and that God didn't leave me.
God didn't leave me.
WERE YOU HESITANT TO LET GO OF THE PAIN BECAUSE IT HAD BECOME FAMILIAR, ALMOST COMFORTING IN ITS FAMILIARITY? WERE YOU AFRAID OF THE FREEDOM THAT LETTING GO MIGHT BRING, AFRAID TO STEP INTO THE UNKNOWN AND BECOME SOMEONE NEW THAT YOUR COURAGE IS COMMENDABLE.
I was hesitant because the version of me I felt God calling me to now did not match nor mirror anything I had ever seen or experienced in my social construct. I didn't have a model that looked like me of what God was showing me. I didn't have the support of those I expected to support me. So, I literally had to step out in faith, having courage that I could see what was only visible when I closed my eyes.
HOW CHALLENGING WAS IT TO RELEASE THE HURT THAT HAD BEEN A PART OF YOU FOR SO LONG? WHAT HELPED YOU RECOGNIZE THAT IT WAS TIME TO BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS? YOU ARE UNDENIABLY A STRONG WOMAN.
Alice Walker once said, "The easiest way we give up our power is by thinking we don't have any." It became easier to release the hurt when I realized it was necessary in order to take back my power. Seeing women around me experiencing things that I had and feeling alone, not having a safe space to heal, grow, evolve, and become helped me to recognize that I had to allow the Princess Destiny in me to "heal up" so the Queen Destiny could really "show up." I came to the realization that what I was going through was so much bigger than me and that God would not waste pain but still use it for his purpose. This allowed me to begin a life of impact by first healing from the pain and converting it into my power.
WHERE DID FORGIVENESS BEGIN FOR YOU? DID IT START WITHIN YOURSELF, OR DID IT BEGIN WITH FORGIVING OTHERS WHO MAY HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO YOUR PAIN? REMEMBER, FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS, AND IT'S OKAY IF IT UNFOLDS GRADUALLY. YOUR JOURNEY IS PRICELESS.
Forgiveness began as an inside job. It was for me! I needed to forgive myself first for not knowing what I thought I should have known. I had to forgive myself for the need to be perfect and not extend myself grace to be human. I had to forgive myself for allowing myself to be a people-pleaser and not set and maintain healthy boundaries for my life. I had to forgive myself for thinking I could not say "NO!" without the need to over-explain. It was then that I forgave others, but that was nowhere near as difficult as forgiving myself. I always tell others, "The offense may not have been your fault, but the healing will always be your responsibility."
WHEN DID YOU START FEELING THE CYCLE OF PAIN AND TRAUMA BREAKING WITHIN YOU? WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE NO LONGER DEFINED BY YOUR PAST, THAT YOU HAD NOT ONLY SURVIVED BUT THRIVED DESPITE IT ALL?
When I became okay with telling my story and my journey, I realized the cycles of trauma and pain were breaking. This included not feeling the need to have a villain nor be the victim of my story. When I began to see how my journey of growth, discovery, purpose, and healing impacted the lives of so many other women who had felt silenced, suffered from low self-esteem and rejection, it was then I realized that the past was powerful when I properly used it to propel into purpose.
IF YOU COULD SPEAK TO SOMEONE WHO EXPERIENCED WHAT YOU’VE OVERCOME TODAY, ARMED WITH THE WISDOM AND STRENGTH YOU HAVE GAINED, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? HOW WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE YOURSELF TO KEEP PUSHING FORWARD, KNOWING WHAT YOU KNOW NOW? YOU ARE A TRUE CHAMPION.
I would tell someone: "You are not a mistake, even if you've made them. Every day that you have breath in your body, you have the power to decide, 'This is not how my story ends!' Any time you can reinvent, redefine, and realign your life! It's never too late! Shift your perspective to know that what you've been through does not diminish you but is used
Destiny Kingcannon, we want to take a moment to express our sincere gratitude for coming to share your story with us. Your openness and courage in sharing your journey have touched us deeply, and we are truly honored to have had the opportunity to hear from you.
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